First on my list, and the rest of the world's I'm sure, except for maybe Canada: Curling. It's people shoving rocks down a lane while two glorified janitors do their best for all the public facilities scouts in the stands with the tens of other fans. It's frozen lawn bowling. I'm sorry, but if I can play the sport absolutely shit-faced, it probably shouldn't be in the Olympics.
What is should be replaced with: Expand the ice of the curling rink at least 200 yards. Replace the guy who "delivers" the stone with a mortar. The team now becomes weapon crew. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you crew-served curling. Two teams play, 5 "stones" per round, best of 3 rounds wins. Ok, maybe 5 to make it more interesting. There, I've just saved the world thousands of hours of tedious "delivering", and what has taken 12 days in the Olympics (seriously, from the 16th to the 28th) will take maybe 3 with a new level of awesomeness. (explosives are optional.)
Curling: now awesome.
Second: Men's figure skating. Because it's just so damned gay. The fruity costumes, the effeminate men, the fact that gays-on-ice is a sport, etc. Homosexual men would call this gay. Well, maybe not the flamers, but enough otherwise. Seriously, it's a competition to see who can out-gay who.
So very, very gay.
What is should be replaced with: Give Shaun White a set of ice skates, some serious rocket boosters, and maybe a ramp or two. Whatever he comes up with is the replacement.
Third: Woman's figure skating. It's old and worn out, like the Miss USA Pageant.
What it should be replaced with: Naked woman's figure skating. No, scratch that, woman's naked lesbian figure skating. Butch figure skaters would be banned, of course.
This - clothing = awseome. This - clothing, times 2 = record viewership.
(note: I plagiarized these pics from various sources. I'm lazy like that.)
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